Hello Hot Mama,
Let’s talk about pressure. The pressures of being the perfect mom. For starters, it’s just not possible. The quicker we realize that and put down the Instagram the better. There isn’t a manual for this job, there isn’t a cheat code, and there isn’t a magic pill we can take so we can have endless amounts of energy (although I can see why mom’s back in the day were chain smoking, snorting the booger sugar, and I am almost 100 percent positive that the Bloody Mary was created by a mom).
Oh, and let’s not forget the pressures of being a good, Godly, school loving, sport toting, grocery shopping (Thank God for Instacart), fundraising, housekeeping, meal making (Hungryroot!), fitness keeping, water drinking, don’t-have-a-mental-break-down-at-any-second woman of society. Because, of course, nobody wants to deal with that.
Society has put this stigma on mom’s that we need to have it together. ALL THE TIME. Gentle parenting, don’t tell the kids “no”, don’t use THAT language, don’t use the word don’t, stop giving them screens but at the same time know that screens are going to be their future because of the world they are growing up in. Oh, hey, by the way, we are going to change math on you…good luck with that. Send your kids to school but if you choose to put them in public school we will begin to take away your rights as a parent and give it to the child and also, if you want to put them in private school we will ask that you sell your kidneys on the black market (yes, both of them) give us all your blood and you will need to take out another job just to pay for them to get an education. WHEW! THE PRESSURE!!
When I first became a mom I put so much pressure on my own self that I didn’t even need to open Instagram to get that daily dose of “you’re not doing enough” (but I did). I still find myself spiraling out of control at times because there is so much in the sentence “Am I doing enough for them?” Or, as my therapist has helped me realize, the real question, “Am I enough for them?”
And the answer is unequivocally, YES! No body knows how to be a mom to your kids other than you.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I love Instagram for the positive accounts where the mom’s keep it real and the PHDs are showing us different ways to help our kids understand why we are saying No (yes, I tell my kids “No”). How we can start to really understand their development because our parents weren’t shown/allowed to express themselves in a constructive manner and that has in itself trickled down. Breaking cycles… that’s what we are doing ladies! and it is DAMN hard. It is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and there is still a whole lot of parenting left to do. Today has been hard. Maybe yesterday was hard. Maybe this entire week, month, year has been hard. And ya know what? That is OK. It is OK to say that it is hard and that you are tapped out. It’s OK to tell your kids “Mommy is going to take 5 minutes away from you to gather herself” (I have no clue why I talk to my kids in third person, but I do it a lot).
So, Hot Mama, take the break. Breathe. Cry in the bathroom if you need to (we all do it). Throw those little hoodlums in the car, blast your music, grab that overpriced coffee, and remind yourself: you are not failing. You are doing something brave, beautiful, exhausting, and sacred — all at once.
You’re not perfect, so stop trying to be. Just keep showing up. And if today all you did was keep those tiny humans alive and somewhat fed? That’s enough.
You are enough.
Keep going — mess and all.
With you always,
Rachel 💕
